100% Greek Jokes
How to be a cool Greek

1. Wear clothes of 2 colors, black and white.

2. Own a cell phone and use it in at inappropriate times- in church, restaurant, funeral, wedding etc.

3. Refer to anyone who's not Greek despairingly as "xeni" and pity them for not being as cultures and sophisticated as the Greeks.

4. Have predominantly Greek friends, with a few token "xeni" thrown in for diversity. talk greek when "xeni" are around.

5. Dress as though you are headed for a club when you're actually going to work or college.

6. If you are a Greek woman, stare menacingly at the other women around you, especially if there richer or more attractive than you.

7. If you are a Greek man, be sure not to bathe to achieve an "earthy" scent, then try to mask it with a lot of cologne; the combination drives the chicks wild.

8. Smoke as if is your last day on earth …and smoke only Marlboros.

9. Travel only in convoy's of 10 or more , and be as loud as possible at all times.

10. If you're single, go to all Greek socials, even if you're 45 years old.

11. If you're a single Greek and over 30, tell everyone you're in your 20's, even if you're pushing 50.

12. I you're a single Greek gut, tell women you're a "successful businessman" or that you "own a successful business back in Greece" even if you're an unemployed farmer boy.

13. Dirty dance to Greek folk music.

14. Wear only "designer" labels.

15. Make sure "designer" labels are extremely visible, preferably embroidered on the front of the apparel. Remember, the bigger the better!

16. If you are a Greek guy, walk 10 feet in front of your woman and call her only when you want sex, then go into a deep depression and lament "theft" of your woman when she dumps you for another guy.

17. If you're a Greek guy, be indifferent and rude to any woman you're interested in dating, especially if she's Greek.

18. If you're a Greek guy, date "xenes" that treat you badly but marry a Greek woman that can treat you even worse.

19. If you're a Greek woman, date "xeni" you can treat badly but marry a Greek guy that treats you badly.

20. Wear a leather jacket at all times… - weather is not an issue.

21. Tell "xeni" acquaintances that money is never an object, even if you only have a few silver coins to your name.

22. Guys: if you have hair, get it cut every week and use at least 3 different styling products; if you're bald, develop a big ego to mask your insecurity. (particularly applicable to short men).

23. Make sure you install every possible option in your car, even if it is a Uno.

24. Own a sports car, even if its junk.

25. Claim to be a devout Orthodox Christian but know nothing about the religion other than the date of your name day.

26. Use church as social ground to meet potential dates.

27. If you are a Greek woman, dye your hair an obvious fake shade of blonde that is nonexistent in nature and swear that it's natural.

28. If you are a South African Greek, act like your father was royalty back in Greece but fell into hard times after the 1973 coup.

29. Pump Greek music at all times - the louder the better.